The Courage to be Disliked is a discussion between a philosopher and a young adult who comes to challenge the philosopher on the validity of their ideas. The philosopher has taken Alfred Adler’s psychological theory of individual psychology to heart and spends the book teaching it to the visitor.
My favourite point to think about was the separation of tasks. This is the idea that you only worry about the tasks that are your responsibility. A parent doesn’t force their child to study because that’s the task of the child. You let your child study or not, and then pay the price if they didn’t study, or earn the reward on their own if they did study.
This idea extends to all relationships, with you acting authentically to yourself and then leaving the responses of others to them. As I’ve often told my children, you’re only responsible for your own behaviour. You’re not responsible for the things others do or the reactions they have to your actions.
Alderian psychology doesn’t absolve you though to act however you want without regard to others though. The guiding philosophy is that we gain meaning by being of service to our community, which can be as small as one other person or all the community around you in your city. When you are contributing to your community you have meaning in your life.
My biggest issue with the book is the dialogue between the philosopher and the youth which feels highly improbable much of the time. If you can get past that there are many sections that will have you evaluating your life and how you act towards others or what you take responsibility for.
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