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Scarcity captures our attention, and this provides a narrow benefit: we do a better job of managing pressing needs. But more broadly, it costs us: we neglect other concerns, and we become less effective in the rest of life. [^1]
I would say that there have been very few times in my life when I’m living in true scarcity. The kind that the quote from the book above is talking about. Maybe that year I had a struggling business and hadn't yet changed my spending habits, or talked to my wife about the need to curb the family finances.
Outside of that time a few years back, I don't think that I've had the experience of true scarcity, until recently. While I can't share details, my wife and I are firmly in scarcity now. Scarcity of time. Scarcity of emotional bandwidth.
A spot where it's hard to think of anything but your own immediate desires.
Where you feel like you're emotionally drained daily and have nothing to give, even to your kids who need you to be there for them.
The question is, how does one survive daily attacks that leave you feeling drained? Attacks by people not in our family, that can continue to do what they want without repercussions because calling them on the behaviour may just mean they sue us for what may be trumped up charges, but will still cause more energy to be spent in court and hearings.
We don't want to spend any more time with them, and yet we have to until they decide they're done and move on.
So, here are some things I'm going to try to keep my marriage strong and my mind healthy in the face of this onslaught.
While most of our family lives on the other side of Canada, we have lots of people that care about us. We have "extra" grandparents here that love our kids and us and can help. We have friends that have offered to take our kids to the park with their kids so we can take a walk together.
We have many other supports, and it's time to use them.
I've skipped my Thursday run group a bunch of weeks because the emotional toll of most Wednesday's is so high it feels like crazy effort to even get out of bed in the morning.
I need to just go do it even if I don't feel like it Wednesday night. Exercise fights depression, and that's the type of thing I need.
It's also time to shut down some of the methods that these attacks can reach us. We need to start putting devices away on the weekends so that we can't even see what the bullies are doing. Instead we should be spending the time together doing something that builds us up so that we enter every week in sync and ready to tackle the problems that are going to come up.
That's all I've got at this point, but if you've got other options, I'm all ears. Every relationship needs more people on it's side helping it succeed. I'll summarize any responses I get next week so that we can all be enriched and have better relationships and mental health.
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Monday I shared my new single stand YouTube studio. To say that this setup has streamlined my process would be a vast understatement. Now setup is around 60 seconds and I can get recording. Before it would take me 10 minutes to get stands out and tweak things. Plus, I have so much more space in my office when it's recording time.
Wednesday I shared two book reviews, both in the first person and they were great. First Mr Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore has some tech, a secret society and a tall think bookstore I want to visit. Second Ready Player One where I talk about the book, and the movie, and how I think the two of them relate. I even take some time to talk about a writing project I've got on the back burner which I want to tackle some November.
Today, I talk about Words Have a Past which is a look at how residential school newspapers were used to oppress Indigenous peoples. It also shows how they resisted in the pages of the papers. This is my first read to get more information on the Indigenous peoples in Canada, and it was a good read.