Rather than each spouse seeking their own gratification, he and she should focus more on how to meet their mate's needs and desires.
With that Ron Price sets the tone for Play Nice in Your Sandbox at Home. The book is structured around his PLAY NICE acronym
I won't cover every point in the chapters, but here are a few that stick out to me.
When it comes to time together Price goes past the standard "have a date night" recommendation. He comes forward with a great idea of each person brining 10 index cards to the table and then you choose one as the activity. No more circular discussions about what you want to do and where do you want to go, do the activity on the card and enjoy each other's presence.
Price also suggest 1 night for a fun thing together, maybe a board game, and one night for a serious conversation about where the relationship is and what needs aren't being met. To this I'd add ideas from ONE Extraordinary Marriage that you should be having sex regularly. For us, that's twice a week when we can, for other marriages it may be a different frequency. If you can't commit these nights to your marriage, what on earth are you doing that's more important than your marriage?
So often, each spouse waits for the other to change before he or she is willing to make improvements in the marriage. Rather than waiting for your spouse, may I suggest you consider taking the initiative to be the change you want to see in your marriage.
Price also says that trying to change your spouse is wasted energy. If they acted that way before the marriage, they're going to act that way after the marriage. Not that you should throw up your hands and give up on behaviours that you hate, but instead of pointing the finger away look at yourself and make the changes you want to see in the marriage.
To add to this Price covers the dwindling levels of commitment and how easy we bail on anything that's not running perfect anymore. Relationships are hard, there are times you may not like your spouse very much, but that doesn't mean you should bail. Price acknowledges that divorce happens and is warranted sometimes, but for many it's just an excuse to not deal with the issues you bring into a marriage, that you're going to take into another marriage. He says that "divorce" is not the trump card and it shouldn't be pulled out.
The final point I'll highlight is that if you are continuing to have the same "discussions" over and over maybe you never got to the heart of the issue in the first place. At the core of every disagreement is usually something deep and meaningful to your spouse. If you don't spend the time needed to find that core, then you're going to revisit the discussion again and again until you're willing to hear it.
If you're at a hard point in your marriage and simply aren't sure where to turn, then Play Nice is going to help you. Yes there are other books that may go deeper into your specific issue, but Ron Price is going to recommend many of them for you if you need to dive deeper. What sets Play Nice apart is that it's a great bucket of tools in a fairly short read. By the time you finish the book you'll have lots of things you can use to help work through any issues in your marriage.
You'll also have a list of books and resources that can help you go deeper where you need to.