Like many people, I keep track of what I read and even set reading goals for the year, but I'm increasingly wondering if it matters.
Specifically, I usually try to read around 52 books a year but I'm currently falling behind. I've got house renovations and 3 younger kids that need me. I've got bikes to ride and hikes to take and life to live. I've got writing to do and other things I'm currently interested in.
That's left me with little time to read. At the very least, I'm not choosing to read with the 30 minutes I have before I go to bed at night.
In past years when I've noticed that I'm falling behind I feel guilty about "not reading enough" so I plow through some books to catch up. I feel this guilt, at least in part, because my mental model of myself is that I'm a reader. When I'm behind I am no longer fitting into that mental model. For most of the last 8 years I've ended up ahead of my book a week schedule, but does it matter?
Am I a better person because I read 52 instead of 50 books or 40 books in a year? Am I sacrificing other parts of my life that could benefit me at the altar of hitting 52 books a year?
Reading a huge number of books and talking about it is starting to feel more like a performance for others. It feels like I'm committing my current self to some deal that my past self made, even if it's not fitting with me right now. It's feeling like I'm doing it so others see I read and think I'm smart.
None of those feel like a good reason to read.
I'm not going to stop tracking what I read, but I'm also not going to worry about the number of books or the type of book I'm reading. If fiction is what interests me, I'll read fiction. If I don't get to read for a while, I'm not going to worry about it.
Reading should be for yourself, not a performance for others.