What do you remember from 5-years ago? Was it that trip with your family? The hike you took with a friend? That sunrise that crept up on you unexpectedly?
I'm sure that no one reading this thought of some Facebook post or time spent scrolling through Instagram or a tweet though. While these things don't stick out in our minds years later, the way we spend our time day-to-day would lead an outside observer to believe that these apps and our phones are the most important/memorable things we have in our lives.
So Many Scientists
This disconnect between what we remember in the long term and what we do with our time day-to-day is there in part because we have so many scientists out working at app companies whose entire job is to keep our attention on their offerings. These hundreds of scientists devoting their full-time occupation to capturing attention is contrasted with your single brain trying to do something of value. It feels rewarded by social media, even though the time spent there is not something you value in the long term.
But it's more than that imbalanced quest for attention and control of attention. Social media is so alluring because it's about you. The Humans, by Matt Haig, is an excellent look at an alien making observations on humans when it comes to earth. During many of the poignant observations, one stuck out to me about social media.
On Earth, social networking generally involved sitting down at a non-sentient computer and typing words about needing coffee, while forgetting to actually make a coffee. It was the news show they had been waiting for. It was the show where the news could be all about them. The Humans Page 184
I can write a tweet and get some interaction on it while sitting beside my wife who I'm currently fighting with. That tweet and a brief interaction bring me rewards and in the moment makes it feel like my day is better than it actually is. I'm still disagreeing with my wife after the tweet, but I have a little shot of affirmation from the world when I'm done.
Tweets or Facebook posts are far less mentally demanding than writing something like this as well. It's unlikely I'll get a comment or a personal response for my writing today. In fact, the most likely comment will be that I spelled something wrong or put a comma in the wrong spot. People will use that small inconsequential issue to discount anything in my writing.
But a Facebook post will get many people passing by with their Thumbs Up, and I'll take that as affirmation that people are thinking of me. What's extra funny is that we take this as an affirmation of interaction, while we throw away likes and stars with little thought because we don't really care.
Dig Into What's Around You
It's going to be hard, but put down scrolling through YouTube and find someone to talk to face-to-face. Someone you can sit down on the couch with and wrestle through a hard topic with.
Go on a vacation without posting about it anywhere. Just go and enjoy. Take some pictures, but don't make the focus of the vacation generating more content to show others how awesome you are. Be in the moment with the people that are with you without distraction.
Interaction on social media is trivial. It brings a superficial connection with people that won't show up at your door when your kids are sick and you just need some Milk.
Interaction with the people you can touch is meaningful. It's the thing you're going to remember years from now.
Spend your time on stuff that's going to last and is meaningful. If that means you get a Light Phone then get one. If that means you run your life in focus modes that don't let anyone interrupt you at all, then do that.
Just put your screen down and look at the people around you. They matter, your screen doesn't.