Notes on Being a Man - Scott Galloway

Scott Galloway uses this book to try and help men solve the key problems plaguing them today. He says society is creating a generation of men that are lonely, not economically or emotionally viable in society, and adrift without purpose. Galloway thinks that this can be solved by men doing the three things that they're meant for, protect others, provide for others, procreate.

The book meanders through the author's life as he makes observations grounded in his history on what manhood is. While he covers his first 2 purposes of men, he injects the need to procreate into every few pages most of the book. He also falls into many of the manosphere tropes, like a man should walk into a room and know he can handle himself if shit gets real. He does stray far from much of the manosphere in his long sections on how men should work to ensure that any woman is safe around them and feels safe.

Still, his chapter on friendship was really deep and meaningful. It had me thinking of my male friends that I value and being intentional about reaching out to them to spend time with them.

The book is a decent quick read, and better than much you'd find in the manosphere if you're looking for a guide to being a man today.

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- society is creating a generation of men who are Pg 6
1. lonely
2. not economically viable
3. not emotionally viable
4. adrift
- the author says there is nothing more dangerous than a lonely broke young man

- men are here to Pg 8
1. Protect: sacrifice for something bigger than themselves
2. Provide: not just money but provide a source of stability by not giving in to the drama but letting it break on him or getting out of the way and picking up the slack
3. Procreate: have kids and then invest in their well-being so they can go on to be more than the people that raised them

### 1 - Boyhood

- don't infect your kid with your trauma and if you get divorced with the hate you may have for your ex. Pg 27

- an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex makes young men ripe targets for the world's riches tech companies. With poor impulse control it's easy to suck them in with [[algorithm|algorithms]]. Pg 32

- many children today are overprotected out in the world and under protected online. Pg 34
- they get few real experiences and lots of little dopamine hits online

### 2 - Things get hairy - adolescence

- an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex is impulse largely unbothered by any thought of consequence. Pg 47

> When you're poor and born to unsophisticated parents, and you get the message early on that having no money means you and your family are unworthy to the point that you start believing it, how do you ever take the first step. Pg 53
- here we see [[social darwinism]] and the myth of [[meritocracy]] which is a key belief of Western societies
- if you believe you don't have value, you'll never take the step to ask for proper credit and just deal with whatever hand you've been dealt

- kids living in [[low-income]] houses have higher resting blood pressure. Pg 58
- passive health costs of scarcity

### 3 - Higher Education

- much of our lives is a function of where and when we are born. Pg 65
- I guess I lived with rich parents and my brothers didn't. They couldn't have afforded to go to college or university because my parents didn't have money by the time it was their turn.

- his success is a result of free state education because he didn't have the money for school and could barely afford the roam and board. This negates any argument for self made success, though he is clear in thanking [[California]] taxpayers. Pg 70
- but he does say he is a self-made man. Not sure if it was here or elsewhere

- he says the more you play sports instead of watching them the more likely your success in life. Pg 73
- I think he's getting at those who learn to work hard vs those that don't. Not sure it all comes down to sports prowess though. To working hard at something that has failure modes and learning to just keep going, yes.

### 4 - Work

- an early job isn't great but it does teach you about people and being responsible. Pg 76, 77

- he worries that if you don't work a menial service job in your youth you may grow up to be an entitled asshole. These service jobs show you those people, the entitled assholes you have to serve, so hopefully you don't become one. Pg 79
- it also shows you hard working people that never had the advantages you have to let you know how lucky you are

- he says don't follow your passion. Find what you're good at that can make money and do that. Pg 88, 89

- his career advice is to work your ass of in your 20s and 30s to be awesome and make money then later in life see about balance. You can have it all, just not at the same time. Pg 94
- he admits, with seeming pride, that he wasn't around for his kids in their early years because he was out working hard.

- don't spend your time at home. Get out and make connections if you want to be successful. Goes for both business success and sexual success. Pg 98
- you should only be sleeping at home, and this is the calling card of the extrovert

- so he cites all the things that made him as if he's being polite then claims to be a self-made man, but he wasn't and he knows it. Pg 108
- seems like he wants to refute the self-made argument but is also too afraid to stray to far from the tech-bro calling card of meritocracy and being self-made

- has the obligatory rant against tech-bros and big-tech as if he's not part of it with his work. He wants you to think he's a big outsider and not just a small player doing the same things. Pg 111

### 5 - Health

- boys are like dogs. They need to run wrestle build and smash things. Pg 117
- so fare this is pretty hard on the fitness bro rhetoric. Really he seems like a softer version of the Alpha male. Like he's trying to be slightly more acceptable while still believing most of the same things

- boys in sports from 2013 - 2023 dropped from 50-41%. Pg 117
- is that because parents can't afford it or boys stopped liking sports and went for video games instead

- ugh he falls into the trope that a man should walk into a room and know he could defend himself if "shit got real". Sure you can workout, and still have no fucking idea how to fight or defend yourself. This is that sad Alpha culture peaking through again. Pg 118

- and he recommends yoga because the girls are hot. A side quest so far is you should be getting laid a good amount, or at least trying to get loud. You workout to be hot and fuckable for women. Pg 123

- he says have someone to talk about your emotions with and don't just be stoic. Real men have the full range of emotions. Pg 134
- this is good but only a small part of the advice amidst a lot of sex and "looking hot" talk. Though later you'll find out that he talks about male friendship in chapter 6

- the more power you have the less you should need to punch back against every minor infraction you perceive against yourself. Pg 137

- he says it's not the [[attention economy]] but the [[attention economy|addiction economy]], which is the first time I remember hearing it called that. I guess attention economy minimizes it's harm on people.^f615a7
- most of [[big tech]] is all about making sure their products hit our dopamine receptors regularly. Especially younger people and young men so they can develop patterns that can later be exploited by big tech

- he says phones/[[social media]] have a 1 in 4 addiction rate for boys. Pg 143
- ?? did he cite a source
- and if this is true, why would we let it happen in society? If any other thing had this addiction property we'd outlaw it right away

### 6 - Friendship

- men have it drilled into them that vulnerability and emotional connections are weaknesses. Men with influence now need to show that this isn't the truth and get out of "bro" culture. Pg 151

- friendship and vulnerability don't happen naturally you have to be proactive. Pg 151
- take a risk and be vulnerable, invite another man out for coffee

- regions with more [[civic participation]] are more resistant to economic slowdown Pg 153
- because you interact with more people in different economic layers who care about you and can share opportunities

- for the 50 year old man the biggest prediction of health at 80 is the quality of your relationships. Pg 155

- next time you are with a friend go first and be vulnerable. If they respond you have a deeper friendship brewing if not try again with someone else. Pg 166

I really liked this chapter until he started talking about how good alcohol is as a social lubricant. He sees why people are drinking less but laments the loss of the lubrication. He's also open about his struggles with addiction to alcohol.

### 7 - Sex, Love Marriage

- women provide guardrails that men need. Pg 177
- he claims that men with partners will be fitter, more ambitious,s better dressed because of the guardrails their partners impose

- a real man will always strive to ensure every woman he interacts with feels safe around him. Pg 179
- this is far from the Alpha crowd who often view women as receptacles for sex only and even glorifies the abuse of women

- marriage is advantageous. You combine finances and share responsibility while having a sounding board at home all the time. Pg 184
- ?? does non-married partnership create the same types of benefits?

> Focus on relationships. Family and friends are essential to long-term happiness, and the most important relationship is with your spouse. Marry the right person and then invest in that relationship every day. Don't keep score, and bring forgiveness, generosity, and engagement to your spouse, yourself, and your marriage. Pg 189
- the part about keeping score is crucial and something I have been doing too much of lately

- the more power and influence you have the more you need people around you to tell you when you have bad ideas. Pg 188, 189 ^35ba8a

- he recognizes the addiction men see in [[pornography]] online and says watching a bit is okay but if you watch [[pornography]] instead of taking a risk and going out to meet real sexual partners you have a problem. Pg 194, 195
- he talks about sex a lot as the main motivator of men and that younger men should be out sowing some oats, or at least trying to

- your [[AI]] girlfriend never says no so it's not a real relationship. It feels easier and safer but it's just letting you avoid any of the hard parts of relationships. These hard parts are what helps you grow. Pg 196

> It's human nature to inflate your own contribution to the relationship and minimize your partner's. Couples who are always taking notes on whose don't what for whom waste energy, and ultimately both feel as if they're in the loss column. Pg 201
- how often do I do this?

- when you don't feel desired you're more likely to feel like you need to keep score. Make sure your partner feels desired. Pg 202

### 8 - Fatherhood

- happens is a smile. It peaks in your 20's and again in your 50-60's. That middle career bit with kids is hard and stressful and doesn't feel that rewarding. Pg 206, 207

- find as many ways to engage with your kids as possible. Your only job is to love them. Pg 212

> As everyone knows, more is an addiction that feeds on itself. You don't appreciate what you have since once you scale one peak, you focus on climbing the next. Pg 214
- yet more is what many/most people focus on. It's what society says we should strive for.

- quality time with your kids and spouse can't be manufactured. It only comes if you spend enough time with them that quality can happen. Pg 230
- he says the myth of all "quality time" is sung by parents who don't see their kids enough and thus have to tell themselves something

### 9 - Man...ers

- a list of things men should do like hold doors, pay for women's things, and serve others at the table first

### 10 - Life is so rich

- bunch of random observations on death

### Conclusion

- a letter to his kids about the type of men he hopes they become