This is a book directed at dads that want to be parents who break out of misogynistic stereotypes and empower their daughters. From addressing the emotional damage done to men when we put each other down by calling each other “pussies” which equates the worst thing a man can be to being a woman, to calling dads to a higher bar than society wants to let them get away with, Adamick calls for men to step up and push for a much more equal society by empowering the women they’re helping raise.
Adamick shows readers all the ways that society puts women down, which is horrifying when you realize it. He spends significant time asking why men (mostly white men) should get to debate the personhood of everyone else and then get to decide what rights everyone else has (like the right to abortion) without involving any of the groups that are being affected.
Overall, I find the book made me angry at how unequal society is and I’ve tried recognize when inequality is happening and use my white middle-aged dude status to help put a stop to it.
- boys are called “pussies” equating them with vile women Page 2
- we don’t need to be saviours, and we shouldn’t be. Men just need to act like the baseline good humans they try to tell themselves they are Page 5
- we grow up with the subtle notion that girls are lesser, and the world was built with men in mind. Page 6
- society cripples boys from birth saying that the worst thing they could be is not remain boys, but be girls or feminine Page 7
- white men believe that everyone’s dignity and equality is something they get to debate and decide Page 9
- electing Donald Trump says that misogyny was less important than other issues Page 11
- as if “locker room talk” excuses talking about sexually assaulting women if you talk about it in the locker room
- the first act of violence patriarchy makes a man commit is to cut off an emotional part of himself in a quest for being “manly” Page 16
### 1 Clothes Hounds
- it starts with baby clothes as the boys section is full of superhero’s and adventure. We start subtly telling boys they will grow up to adventure Page 22
- girls are all themed about pink and being friendly and rainbows and how cute they are
- we go from clothes that show boys are predatory and angry and girls are cute to policing girls for their clothing choices and “distracting” boys at school Page 28
- A boy’s education is more important than a girl’s clothing choice and freedom in that choice
- Girls who cross over and wear “boys” super hero clothes are considered awesome, if only our boys would get the same treatment for sparkly unicorns and such Page 32
### 2 [[nature vs nurture]]
- name an inequality and someone has used "science" and "natural differences" to justify it Page 37
- a "large" scientific difference is still less than 1%, and yet we're told by popular media that it's a gap which is too large to cross for men/women Page 40
- with practice we all can change our brains to get better at stuff. If we spend years telling girls subtly that boys are better at some things, of course we're rewriting their brains Page 44
### 3 The Low Dad Bar
- sure dad gets applauded for purchasing some clothes for his girls, but does a woman ever get applauded for purchasing boys clothes? Page 46
- or for just being out with their kids like men do?
- this is because men are expected to show up sometimes, while women are expected to be care takers all the time. Dad gets a pass for sitting on the couch while mom is supposed to work all the time
- how many times have you heard a woman say they can't get away for a weekend or be gone during bed time because they're husband can't handle it? Page 53
- I've heard A say that about J before
### 4 You Are What You Eat
- in both prime time and children's shows the female characters are twice as likely to have "slim" waists and girls/women are far more likely to be shown with a bit if skin and "sexy" in their outfits Page 59
### 5 Boys will be Boys
- when we let male children be aggressive in the park with “boys will be boys” we’re also saying that girls just should expect to be the focus of male aggression Page 68
- that thinking is the underpinning of rape culture
- saying a boy hits because he likes your, or a girl says no because she’s playing hard to get grooms them for rape culture Page 69
- the “man box” suppresses all emotion but aggression, sexual comments in the locker room, and being stoic Page 70
- [[hegemonic homosocial masculinity 011120200920]] Page 83
### 6 Her Best Frenemy
- we don’t expect girls to show anger, which leads to the passive aggressive behaviour we see. Like ignoring your friend and when confronted insisting that everything is okay Page 88
- it’s not that they don’t have anger, it’s that it can only be expressed under the radar in the socially acceptable “nice” ways that are allowed
- one of the fews ways it’s acceptable for women to be aggressive is when it’s a battle over a man (as in you stole my man)
- to open up communication with your kids, stop comparing them to other kids or their siblings Page 93
### 7 Sorry, Not Sorry
- men often occupy public space with little regard for women. As if they have a right to be there and women should be demure in the face of a man occupying space Page 97
- tackling minor representations of sexism and prejudice is important. These minor daily things are what ingrain the prejudiced beliefs Page 97
- The background noise of female existence is figuring out how to diffuse situations with men so nothing bad happens at the hands (verbal or physical) of men Page 101
- women live in fear that by their dress they’ll “invite” men to verbally sexually assault them just for existing Page 106
### 8 Movies and the myth of the strong female character
- how often does the strong female character in a movie look awesome in the trailer only to be a bit feisty and train the male character who then defeats the evil and wins the girl as the prize Page 112
- when a movie features a lead male character they appear on screen twice as much as female characters. When a movie features a lead female character, screentime between men and women is equal Page 114, 115
- even with a female lead, and many strong female characters, most movies have few women in them, about 18% of characters if we include background characters are female. The world is about 50/50 so why the heavily weighting towards men all the time? Page 122
### 9 Not Playing Around
- Toys are gender neutral, it’s society that puts limits on what we “should” play with based on gender Page 126
- when toys are gendered, girls toys are for physical attractiveness nurturing and domestic skill. Boys toys are for violent competitive exciting and somewhat dangerous. Page 128
- girls playing with powerful boys toys are “awesome”. Boys who want to play with dolls are “girly” which is an insult because being male with any feminine preferences is a bad thing to the culture of maleness Page 130
### 10 Throw Like a Girl
- women’s coverage in sports is far below the numbers of women that are either fans of sport or participate in sport Page 137
- people won’t care about women’s sports equally until they’re covered equally. Chicken and egg problem Page 138
- we pay women in sport like they should be thankful they can do the sport instead of being in the kitchen or scrubbing the men’s locker room Page 142
- makes me think of cycling and how poorly women are paid there when their racing is doping free and much more exciting
- people say that women should get paid more when they pull the same viewership. But men get everything nice and marketing support. Women get virtually nothing. How can they succeed at a rigged game? Page 145
### 11 Online Harassment
- female journalists get rape and death threats because of stuff the wrote as par for the course. Something no male journalist has to put up with...unless he challenges patriarchy Page 150
- online sexual assault and ongoing harassment leads to the same outcomes as sexual assault in the physical world Page 152
### 12 Like, Math is So Hard
- in a study male students were rated higher than female students by teachers that could discern gender. Blind graders with no gender information rated the female test scores higher. Boys went on to better marks overall and to succeed in the field with advanced placement. Those early grades made a huge difference Page 163
- given the same resume, with the name changed from Jon to Jennifer, companies feel that Jon is more competent and worth being paid more. Page 164
### 13 Black Girl Magic
- White men, don’t brag for winning a rigged game Page 172
- A study showed that teachers monitoring a class pay much more attention to black students. Are they really doing more to warrant suspension, or does the increased scrutiny mean they have a higher standard to live to Page 173
- we did see the higher sexual standard black men had to deal with in Boys & Sex
- black females encounter the racism of being black along with the sexism of being female. Like a double whammy of prejudice Page 175
- black families hold $5 in wealth for every $100 whites families hold Page 177
- black women are 2 to 3 times more likely to die in childbirth than white women. Black babies are 2.2 times more likely to die than white babies Page 179
- this is getting worse year by year with black infant mortality worse than it was in 1850
- horrible. I wonder what the stats are for First Nations in Canada in addition to Black communities
- the micro aggressions of being black in America (and Canada) can lead to PTSD and other mental health issues. It’s a background radiation reminding you that you’re black and thus lesser Page 184
### 14 Pay Day
- the idea that men negotiate harder for better pay doesn’t account for the size of the gender pay gap Page 192
- the gap is much closer until women have children, then the pay gap gets huge. It slowly closes again as women work into their 60’s and child care isn’t as big a thing they need to devote time to Page 194
- women get penalized in pay, mentorship, and opportunities because they aren’t invited to work dinners because men fear it will turn into a “sexual” encounter. As if when they have a drink they turn into rapist asshats Page 196,197
- this is one way the pay gap widens
- at the same time bring you daughter to work day was popular, they started a bring your son into the home day to teach boys chores around the house. Guess which one is still popular Page 197
- When dad’s take time off after kids they get penalized more than mom. We expect mom to do it, but dad should be out working Page 200
- in business men are aggressive leaders, women are bitchy and shrill Page 202
### 15 Waiting for Madam President
- men have always been afraid of having women in charge and undercut their authority by labelling them as emotional Page 208
- yet watch how emotional Trump is online to see someone that’s truly ruled by his emotions instead of anything rational
- white men have created laws to keep women from voting or holding office. They often physically abused or threatened the oppressed voters to keep these systems in place an they keep doing it Page 210
- see the US where police are pulling doors shut on voters so they don’t get to vote or “armed militias” are allowed to intimidate voters standing in line so that some leave and don’t have a chance to vote. Or see the lack of voting places in some states that may have swung in ways white men in power didn’t want them to swing
- a UN working group in 2015 studied gender roles and sexism in the US. They found a sexist society that many dictators would praise. Page 211, 212
- you can’t cast a vote for Trump if you care about women and girls. His views tell you he thinks they’re only sex objects and worth nothing else Page 215
- yet...how many millions of Americans did in two different elections?
- how many men are more likely to argue heatedly if someone talks shit about their football team than if someone talks shit about women/misogyny Page 216
- far too many
- and if we don’t equip our boys/girls with the language to deal with misogyny and racism, that’s on parents
### 16 Your Opinion on Abortion Doesn’t Matter
- is men’s discussion about a woman’s right to have an abortion a discussion of limiting her rights as a human? The author says yes Page 221
- when men won’t have dinner with a woman because of “what may happen” or “what it may look like” men are playing the befuddled victim. The actual victim in each scenario is a woman who misses opportunities to advance their career. Page 226
- misogyny is a male problem, that women bear the biggest consequences of
- the biggest risk of sexism towards male is being labelled as feminine by other men Page 226
### 17 Daddy’s Got a Gun
- the dad/gun thing is showing that boys are there to get away with as much as they can until dad shows up. It shows that girls are objects to be violated and then protected with violence Page 235
- this treats women as property to be protected
- and if that man isn’t around to protect it’s clearly “hunting season” for other men...right?
- men are always Mr. Women are Miss, Ms or Mrs depending on her relationship to a man. How she is addressed is dependent on a man she has a relationship with Page 238
### 18 Having “The Talk”
- kids exposed to more sex in movies and TV at younger ages have more sex younger Page 248
- much of the language around sex is about the poking, fucking, drilling...and the woman’s role is the passive sex receiving object Page 249
- [[incel]] 250
- Even the commercials during sports games are about Viagra. How many commercials do you see about a woman’s pleasure? Page 253
- When we see messages anywhere that say boys just have to “try harder” to win the girl we’re showing them that consent isn’t a real thing. They just have to push more and a yes is coming Page 255
